tali_phoenix: Cup of Tea, with text I drink tea so I don't kill anyone. (Rage)
[personal profile] tali_phoenix
I didn't know how to start this. Oh well lets jam.

Right quick recap: yours truly dw's Tali_Phoenix / lj's Natalie_I_am has started getting her meds/ girl pills [long time waiting too!]

So while I took that first sweet morsel of estrogen [Oestradiol Valerate, 2mg, pill] I was overcome with... Elation. Seriously, it was like the best freaking feeling in my LIFE. Over the past 25 hours and 18 minutes [not counting honest!] I've come to several realisations.
1) I am a 26 year old woman

I felt, honestly better than James Brown. I was happy, it was slow, it was cool. Happiness is cool. I wasn't morbidly depressed. Medically speaking the hormone hasn't kicked in yet. Psychologically it was like Alice swallowing that potion and going down the rabbit hole to a world of magic. I didn't go to sleep as a male bodied girl. I just went to bed... as me. Knowing I had a minute amount of estrogen poking around my insides going "hello there. We'll start to reshape you, my precious, yessss!" [Yes, I do have an inner dialogue running at all times. Keeps things interesting]

2) Man thats what a good nights sleep feels like. Linked into 
3) Oooh this is morning, and productivity! 

For those that are looking going "huh, sleep? why you being all crazy?". I have sleep apnoea. Its severe, I don't sleep well/at all some nights, and what little sleep I do get? No where near enough! So this was an usual night for me. I went to bed around 1? 1.30 am this morning. I woke up bright and mostly breezy at 6am. Knowing that it was probably a false start I went did a few things, empty bladder and get a drink of juice to stop from drying out.

I went to be and sleep for 2 and a half hours. I didn't quite get the 2.5h. Woke up about 8am and started a morning routine I swear was not mine a few days ago. The usual being "get up, run around, making breakfast, and making sure I have id/keys/bus fare or pass and run to bus".
Today? Woah maaan. Up, shower, get dressed, hell I had time to make my own lunch rather than winging it! and a leisurely stroll to the bus that I never catch on time [2 get me in, one with time to spare the other, well if I sprint at the far end I'm ok... just] I walked in, caffeine free and with a smile on my face. Usually I'm a grouchy kid and need a bottle of cola or similar to wake me up. I think just that little pill was my own wake up call.


This is my life. This is my body. It feels beautiful. All the small things count.
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tali_phoenix

July 2012

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