tali_phoenix: Cup of Tea, with text I drink tea so I don't kill anyone. (Rage)
I didn't know how to start this. Oh well lets jam.

Right quick recap: yours truly dw's Tali_Phoenix / lj's Natalie_I_am has started getting her meds/ girl pills [long time waiting too!]

So while I took that first sweet morsel of estrogen [Oestradiol Valerate, 2mg, pill] I was overcome with... Elation. Seriously, it was like the best freaking feeling in my LIFE. Over the past 25 hours and 18 minutes [not counting honest!] I've come to several realisations.
1) I am a 26 year old woman

I felt, honestly better than James Brown. I was happy, it was slow, it was cool. Happiness is cool. I wasn't morbidly depressed. Medically speaking the hormone hasn't kicked in yet. Psychologically it was like Alice swallowing that potion and going down the rabbit hole to a world of magic. I didn't go to sleep as a male bodied girl. I just went to bed... as me. Knowing I had a minute amount of estrogen poking around my insides going "hello there. We'll start to reshape you, my precious, yessss!" [Yes, I do have an inner dialogue running at all times. Keeps things interesting]

2) Man thats what a good nights sleep feels like. Linked into 
3) Oooh this is morning, and productivity! 

For those that are looking going "huh, sleep? why you being all crazy?". I have sleep apnoea. Its severe, I don't sleep well/at all some nights, and what little sleep I do get? No where near enough! So this was an usual night for me. I went to bed around 1? 1.30 am this morning. I woke up bright and mostly breezy at 6am. Knowing that it was probably a false start I went did a few things, empty bladder and get a drink of juice to stop from drying out.

I went to be and sleep for 2 and a half hours. I didn't quite get the 2.5h. Woke up about 8am and started a morning routine I swear was not mine a few days ago. The usual being "get up, run around, making breakfast, and making sure I have id/keys/bus fare or pass and run to bus".
Today? Woah maaan. Up, shower, get dressed, hell I had time to make my own lunch rather than winging it! and a leisurely stroll to the bus that I never catch on time [2 get me in, one with time to spare the other, well if I sprint at the far end I'm ok... just] I walked in, caffeine free and with a smile on my face. Usually I'm a grouchy kid and need a bottle of cola or similar to wake me up. I think just that little pill was my own wake up call.


This is my life. This is my body. It feels beautiful. All the small things count.
tali_phoenix: (Default)
 Uhm yeah... frequent updates didn't really happen.

Okay, erm waiting on appointment coming through from the GIC [still - I know these things take time]. Will be changing my name when appropriate, not sure on middle name, keep initials XOR follow my family tradition and use my paternal grandparents first name.

Back at Uni, studying politics, history and philosophy.
additional: my student loans claim was not screwed up, I gots my money on time.

Had a meeting at work [yes dear employers, I will be billing you for cost of travel since this was incurred because you insisted "omg Monday appt or nothing" for this meeting. FUCK YOU!, 40 minutes for travel, each way, for a half hour meeting causing me to miss classes. So that's an expenses claim and flexi-time. I WILL be insisting on it.
Meeting was to explain sleep apnea and my issues with it, in regards to work / sickness absence. Recommendation that I get covered by the Disability Discrimination Act.

Found $old_employer pension details. Will be updating my records with them, or more... I tried, and they did what the could and sent paperwork to allow me to do the rest. Still not got it, will call to check see if they screwed up my address.

Chasing credit card application [worst possible time to do it - however I am careful with money and this is more to build up my credit rating for when the market recovers, bill is getting cleared BEFORE any interest charges hit for I am not stupid.

Still needing to fill out / return form to get me put on the Electoral Roll - will do that today... maybe.

Peace, Love, Understanding and Respect :D

A Rant.

Jul. 14th, 2009 01:56 am
tali_phoenix: (Default)
Behind this cut... is a stream of conciousness rant about my life, and everything going on in it. Read or don't read, but if you read, a little comment might help.

The Rant Is Here )
tali_phoenix: (Default)
Okay, as you may have figured out from my near constant whining, my home area doesnt have alot of medical experts on "obscure and scary conditions"...

Sleep Apnea - I'll be getting fitte with a CPAP machine. This should apparently give me a normal nights sleep, mask thing that looks wierd. Dont care want my achievement points for regular sleeping cycles! I think thats worth 10 Life Points or something.

Also, if this is a surprise for you, how the hell did you wind up friending me? *chuckle*
I'm fairly fucking sure I'm trans. My doctor isn't confident enough to give a diagnosis so last time I spoke to her so said she'd look into referrals to send me to where I need to be. Apparently there is no one in the area... funny according to the NHS website there is one or two. So I had to get my case reviewed by management, to see if they /should/ refer me elsewhere. Thankfully they are. Now the nearest major cities are in the following order.

Edinburgh ~65 Miles
Glasgow ~80
Aberdeen ~100.

I'm being sent to Glasgow... yeah okay.. I dont know the city. Oh well since its NHS my cock will probably disintegrate from lack of use before the referral even gets there. I spent 6 months on a waiting list WITHIN an NHS trust, and that was for depression. Common enough issue with people. Stats I was given were 1/2 females and 1/4 males.


Compared to Gender Dysphoria where I'm sure it was around the 1 in 5000 mark [probably the amount of cases the NHS will deal with]. Oh dear god. I'll be retired before I see probably the ONLY NHS Dr in Scotland who has an inkling as to the issues and proper course of treatment.


seriously!? SERIOUSLY!
Good thing I'm doing more hours, I can probably fund this shit myself, which I'll need to I guess
~~~~~~

Not all doom and gloom, Natalie finally remembered to check the hot water, plumber probably came in while we were spaced out, or just not here. I have nice hot water and spent just over an hour in the bathtub... I lost a lot of hair >.> can see milky white skin where there was shadows and dark man hair on the legs... and torso. Stuff feels GOOOOOOD now :) Like contact high good.
tali_phoenix: (Default)
A couple of months ago I went to the doctors, having a fairly good idea (thanks to power of internets and the fact my dad has the same freaking condition) that I probably do have Sleep Apnea.

Enter the alphabet soup of medical expertise that is my GP. "No, no way, no how do you have sleep apnea. I will refer you to the specialists at Ninewells to put your mind at rest."

They gave me an Embletta (home sleep study with a device that looked like the breathing apparatus outta original Star Wars trilogy. Doctor2 (the expert) sent the details to Consultant. Minor disagreement over course of treatment (I googled both of them and thanks but no thanks, one looks like a medieval torture device - now in plastic! and the other is a retainer/mouthguard looking thing I hated those). So yeah, I DO have Obstructive Sleep Apnea. Apparently this instance looked quite severe... apparently stopping breathing >40 times an hour is severe.

I get to meet Consultant and get the full details in 2 months.

This is better than treatment back home "oh well, if it hasnt killed you in two weeks, come back and I'll see if I can slip meds that will help" was the standard a-typical response from my doctor.

Note to self: If I ever wind up back home with parents and I need an appt "anyone but our GP please"

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tali_phoenix

July 2012

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